Imperfect Pearls

You know, some of the best life conversations come up just chatting with good friends.  Some I see every day, some I haven’t seen in a long time.

The kinds of conversations that help you know where you are in life.  The ones where you start to see the truths in the universe when you have sometimes been lost in the shuffle of the everyday.

My point is this – we are here to enjoy this life and cultivate connections that further us along that happy path.  Granted, there will be contrasting experiences where we find situations/people that we definitely do not want in our lives.  So I suggest we process that for what it is (what we don’t want) and move forward.  Give it no more focus than that.  Easier said than done?  Maybe just at first.

That is the best way to honor ourselves and bring the best kind of energy and focus into our experience.  Feeding into a positive self-image and making the right decisions for you.

The next time you find yourself in a situation where a “friend” puts the screws to you or a business acquaintance takes advantage of you, just remember this is what you don’t want.  That’s all it is.  Then focus on the opposite of that.  This takes the power away from them and hands it directly to you.

Rock it Real – from the people you surround yourself with to the thoughts you think.  Be true to yourself.

It’s only tricky at first.  After that?  It’s so empowering you’ll be looking for your own superhero uniform…

Okay – big shout out to Dr. Drew Pinsky (best known for Love Line & Celebrity Rehab) who now has his own talk show.  His topic was ‘What Do Women Really Want?’ and had a panel of strong, intelligent and beautiful women there to define it for us.  (Little bit hard to do, of course, since we are all immensely different – which he noted throughout the show…)

But the best question he asked was “Why don’t women celebrate their differences?” and the answer, passionately blurted out was “We are scared of being judged.”  BAM!

Don’t you find that to be true?  Every woman I have ever known well has extremely different tastes from other women in EVERYTHING.  From the heavier subjects to lighter ones (politics, parenting, sex, music, food, cars, clothing, etc.). These are the differences that are fascinating and make us unique yet many, many women won’t be open and honest with their friends or partner about who they really are.  Can we please stop that?

I love that experts are asking these questions publicly and that there are women brave enough to answer honestly.  That is the only way we can start to change these silly habits.

Be proud, say it loud and for everyone’s sake – Rock it Real!

Yes I know, we’ve all heard this before – sometimes too much.  But re-frame this idea in your head because it’s a fabulous one!

I was just talking to a friend of mine who told me that she recently danced like crazy around her home.  Totally went off!  No inhibitions, no “do I look stupid?”s or ” is this dance even cool anymore?!”  Nope, just pure un-adulterated enjoyment.  Dancing for the sake of expressing yourself.  The rhythm and the energy that’s inside of you.  Inside of us all!  And it feels good.  Ridiculously good.

So, dance!  Dance, I say!

(Thank you Salt ‘n Pepa)

Has anyone ever said that to you?  I highly recommend it!

My sweet neighbor, who is the kindest person ever, said this to me recently.  He didn’t mean it in the literal sense, of course, but in general.

We are so busy chastising our selves and our bodies – how we don’t measure up and where we fall short.  What’s the point? It’s not fun and it’s not true, either.  So I say ditch that stinkin’ thinkin’ and be good to yourself!  Appreciate the things you have to offer and work ‘em.

It seems the more you allow yourself to shine, the more you will  realize that everything about you is indeed perfect.  In all it’s imperfection.

It seems I neglected to mention what might be helpful when your 7 year old is teased about their physical features.  That was a fairly big oops! since that was the whole idea behind my original post…

Mea culpa.

The thing that I remember adults, most specifically my parents, telling me as a child when I was teased was not to pay attention to negative things like that.  That was point 1, always.  And then they broke it down into various other bits of wisdom depending on the situation.  But the general message was to know that you are unique and talented only as you can be and your value as a human extends far beyond something as trivial as your ears/nose/teeth/breasts/booty/etc.

I remember finding comfort in those conversations.  While they didn’t fix the immediate situation (I still wanted a new nose and teeth, no freckles, my hair bleached & a deep, dark tan) it set up within me a deeper connection to myself, my parents and my self-worth.

I know that today we can have almost anything we want - often instantaneously - and it’s amazing!  Technology is a wonderful thing.  Though, I would argue, not when it comes to “fixing” our bodies especially when they’re not broken.  With every coming year the number of plastic surgery patients skyrocket (teens & early 20 year olds at an alarming rate).  Many opt for multiple procedures for a variety of reasons.  Many find themselves on antidepressants after the results they sought brought reactions they didn’t foresee.

While the following statement is a fairly “duh” sentiment, it still must be said.  The most contented human beings are the ones who focus not on transforming their forms but their selves.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Parenting/video/bullied-child-gets-plastic-surgery-13373152

Hmmm…

This story was on Good Morning America – a 7 year old girl who had undergone an ear pinning surgery because kids at school made fun of her & her ears.  She couldn’t wait to get the surgery and her mother was thrilled for her as well because, she said, ‘now she won’t get teased.’  Well, maybe.

Now this is a sticky issue.  No one wants to be bullied and we would all like to feel popular and attractive enough to not be seen as an outcast.  But isn’t it also true that each of us has at least 1 or more physical ‘imperfections’?

I find it alarming when we take the advice of those who are insecure & emotionally unstable enough to bully other people.  Why are we giving them our power?  Why are we letting their words affect us so much that we change our hair/clothing/music/friends and now our faces and bodies so that these people will leave us alone?  It’s absurd.

As a parent, I completely understand wanting your child to fit in and have all the same opportunities the other kids have.  But what are we teaching them when we say “Yes, yes.  Your problems will be solved if you just fix your nose/teeth/breasts/insecurity-of-the-day.”  What happens when you fix the issue & then ‘they’ find another reason to pick on you?  Or what happens when the bullies see that you changed yourself according to their specifications?  That has to be affirming to them and their actions because now they know you’re listening.  They won.  You lost.  And lost and lost and lost.

My suggestion?  Tried and true, is this particular solution.  Embrace it.  ALL of it.  And when someone makes fun of your breasts or lack thereof (I know because I’ve been here) say “I know!  Built like a true 3rd grader…” Top it off by dressing like Dolly Parton/Pamela Anderson for Halloween or a costume party. Go ridiculously big on the ta-tas to drive your point home.  Or if they make fun of your nose say “I know – it’s ridiculous!”  It’s not easy to do, not at first, but the power that it gives you to outwardly acknowledge their criticism & have a sense of humor about it will change your world.

This falls into the category of ’Be Kind & Speak Your Mind’.  And I like the idea so much I’ve trademarked the phrase!

I’m not the only one to have tried this tactic and it works every time. Because really, the bullies win and so do you.  You didn’t cower to them nor did you insult them – risking putting yourself in greater harm.  No, you know yourself well enough to know your chest size/nose size/booty size/eccentricities that are unique unto you.  So go ahead and mock it - then rock it!  No insecurity necessary.

I love this picture – love it!!

This is the epitome of calm confidence. A smoldering look and a funky sophistication make this fearless dame top notch on the list of Cool.

Although I don’t look like this, there have been times when I’ve felt like this – which made me feel like I look like this…

As Sophia Loren once said, ”Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.”

Amen, sister!

http://www.eonline.com/videos/v94430_bridalplasty:-icing-on-the-cake.html

Oh my.  Have you seen this show?  The first season is over so it’s been on for awhile and I didn’t mention it before (it’d be a bit like shooting fish in a barrel) but it just keeps coming up.  Which of course means I must now open my mouth.  But, oh, where to start…?

First off, the premise of the show is a competition for 10 brides-to-be to compete for their dream wedding.  Totally cool!  And then as a “bonus” along the way, each girl who achieves the next level of the challenge gets to choose the plastic surgery procedure of her choice.  What?  I mean, WHAT?!  So the girls, who are all conventionally attractive (this is tv, of course), get to each week pick and choose what next they would like to nip, tweak and tuck.  WOW.

The phrase “the perfect bride” is mentioned on every episode by the brides themselves, the host, the surgeon and the guests.  Again and again and again.  This, dear people, is my chief concern.  Can we please, oh please, erase that silly word from our vocabulary?  Perfect. What is more fleeting and tenuous than perfection?  And who can ever achieve it?  Much less maintain it.

My sole purpose (soul purpose?) for Imperfect Pearls is to make being Real the new cool.  That’s right, I said it - Rock it Real, mama!

mouth-watering melons!

Okay, I know we’ve all heard that the secret to happiness is in the letting go of forcing the outcome of things.  Surrendering control.  But have you ever tried it?

I don’t consider myself an overly vain person but I admit that I’m not a big fan of the changes that are happening to my body as I age.  The gray hair, the wrinkles, the change in skin texture.  Not to mention,  where on earth have my boobs gone?  Somewhere below my belt, I’ve found…

But here’s the thing, I’m not willing to become enslaved to what Mother Nature will have the upper hand in anyway.  So I have decided to take the best possible care of myself and allow nature to take it’s course.  To trust my body and allow it the changes it deems necessary, keeping my sense of humor along the way.  Allow it to evolve not only gracefully - but gratefully!

There’s SO much freedom in that.

A Girl's Worth

I LOVE this sticker.  Love it!

Okay, okay – yes I created it so perhaps I’ve got a preference but the message is clear and true.